Thursday, February 23, 2006

slightly before 8/8/04...by Kim


So I will start a little before August 8th. (you'll learn, I digress alot...and the word tangen should be my middle name!)

It was September of 2003...I was married for about 6 years...a very unhappy marriage, I should say..and after more than half of the years of being on antidepressants and being told that I needed to fix my problem and that I was obsessed with the kids...that the kids came first, then myself, then him, dead last. I was used to hearing that on a regular basis.

With a miracle from someone watching over me, I had a 9 month reprise, he was being sent (thank you New York national guard) to New Jersey...he would be home 1 weekend a month. I knew this was my chance to reclaim myself..the strong girl I once knew...and build my strength...I started right away...I stopped taking the antidepressants that I was taking, to get through my life. I went through serious withdrawals, because I quit them cold turkey..but in my mind, I had to do everything really quick! I had less than a year!!


At the time, I had my 20 year old nephew, holding my hand, he was my guardian angel. He made me realize so many things, were more wrong than I had even let myself admit to. I can't tell you how I did it. The kids were thriving, they were so happy and when Ryan would leave for a weekend, they would run and scream when he came home, they would attach themselves to his ankles, cry if he was leaving, scream with delight when he returned. (they do this with thomas, in fact chase will attach himself to his legs and refuse to let go, or he will put him in a death grip and bury his face in his coat, crying not to leave) But the weird thing was, when the dad would be coming home..they would get this weird look, and say...he's only staying for a weekend right? I was completely baffled, was he that bad?? Well basically yes, in a very passive/aggressive way, he was very bad! And being around my nephew, I realized very quickly, that we were living in a very hostile environment!

When the 9 months or so was up, I demanded changes! He accused me of being a control freak, things could only be my way or no way! I told him 3 weeks before halloween of 2003 that I wanted a divorce. I had dreams of having a really amicable divorce! Boy was I in for a rude awakening...

Let me tell you..when you go through a divorce (someone should write a book about this, it would have been very helpful!) People who are the ones being left..go through 4 stages...it depends on how the other person reacts, as to how long these stages last! Here they are - stage 1...remorse, and the I'm going to change for you ploy..stage 2...I'm sooo sad and cannot live without you, look I cry to everyone.....stage 3....I will use manipulation, perhaps use the kids, make you feel really guilty, etc. ...stage 4....I'm very pissed and I will make you pay for this you bitch! (add to that..for the rest of your life!).....needless to say...stage 1 and 2 lasted about 2 days, stage 3 lasted a week, and stage 4...well I am still in that stage...for eternity, I think!

I finally got him court ordered out of the house on veterans day...well he did it himself (another story for another day) but he was out..and could not return to the house!

At the time, I was going to church, to a Lutheran church in town (I'm a fallen catholic;), that my friend belonged to..I was teaching sunday school, it was fun...and during every time when they were asking you to pray...I was praying and praying...to have strength, to do the things I wanted to continue to build up my strength...stupid stuff, like waking up in the morning and losing the extra stress pounds I had put on...I was praying for happiness, for willpower, for control with my finances....everything I could think of!

So almost 1 year later, I started thinking maybe I would date....but then after a couple of nights out, and meeting the same "typical" american guy...I started thinking, maybe I would NOT!! I just kept wishing, I had that best guy friend...thats it, just a guy friend...well any nice guys, had more in mind than that!...Ugh!!

Well here I (finally) am to the day of 8/8/04...I had a friend who, the week before had asked me if I knew of any dating websites that had made any articles of how they started their site or any information on how to do that, because she wanted to start one of her own, and she asked me to ask clients if they had heard of any. Well that day, there was this kid from MIT, who said, yes he had just read an article on this site called Okcupid! I told my friend of the site, and told her I would research it for her. I found the article about how these Harvard mathemeticians had started this website based on algorithms and scientific research and decided I would check out the page!

To my amazement, there was 1 single person within a 50 mile radius from me, so I thought, what the heck!!

When I was a kid...every birthday, I would let go of my helium balloon, with my name tied to it, and wait for my new penpal to contact me...I had more than 10 penpals during my childhood...so to me, this was a little like that...releasing my balloon and waiting for a penpal!

I made my profile on this fun chatty site on the 7th...my kids were in chicago with my parents...so that night was a saturday night, my friends and I walked to the local pub...and I, for the rest of the night, dodged shady guys and laughed at the pathetic pick up lines....drank too much merlot...and headed home..the next morning...needless to say...I skipped church!!!

Which is why I say everything happens for a reason...because on that day...I was looking and trying to navigate this site..laughing at the profiles and browsing...I had not contacted anyone...and suddenly I see this name bisounane...he was 5 years younger than me...lived in Pau, France....cooool! I can't get much farther than France!! So I contacted him..and asked him like 50 million private questions...(which, if you know a french, they hate to answer personal questions..because, afterall, it was none of my business;) But amazingly (yes, he is amazing) he answered them..well first he said..woooo, so many quesitons...we discovered that we were both online..so he asked me if I had an IM program, being the unsavvy computer person I was...I said..what is IM...I have msn messenger...(he's thinking..she has to be blonde, right??) So we got on IM...and honestly from that moment...we had this amazing connection...we talked all the time.....I was crazy...(first, let me just say..I cannot wake up in the morning...I'm terrible!) But I was waking up at 4-5 am to talk to him..every morning......I was staying up....going for a jog after I talked to him...feeling great!

I will continue a bit more tommorow...since I have already gone over the slightly before 8/8/04 and have run a little bit into after 8/8.....

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6 Comments:

At February 24, 2006, Anonymous Pumpkin Pie said...

I met my husband online to by accident in an AOL chat room. Love works in mysterious ways. ;)
I love blogging and stumbled into pretty much the same way as you. I wish I had known about blogs six years ago and I could have recorded all the adventures my husband and I went through. I look forward to reading more.

 
At February 24, 2006, Anonymous Jessica said...

Hey Kim,

Thanks a lot for the words of support.

Looks like you've got a great start here. I'll be back to see how the story unfolds.

 
At February 24, 2006, Blogger The Girl said...

Hey Kim, great to see that your story has had a positive outcome! Can't wait to read what happens next!

 
At February 25, 2006, Blogger MadameK said...

Apparently, using the internet is the esiest way to accidentally find a French husband. That's where I bought mine.

 
At February 26, 2006, Blogger Deb said...

Met my husband online too(through a game, not a chatroom). Isn't the internet a beautiful thing? ;o)

 
At February 27, 2006, Blogger Anne said...

I have never met anyone online...looks like I am missing out. Can't wait to carry on exploring your blog though:)

 

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