Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A 7 year old, who already gets it...by kim

Is this conversation normal?

Cheese: Mom, guess what? My Dad asked me if I would like him to pack me a lunch or if I would like to buy..

Me: Cool, and so what did you choose?

Cheese: I said I'd like to bring my lunch!

Me: Great! What did you bring then??

Cheese: Oh nothing, my Dad didn't make me one, he always promises to do things and then never does them!

I was so sad on one hand, cause he has to feel this way, when this person should just unconditionally be there for him and if you are going to fricken ask if you want to make a lunch for someone, then the least you could do is make the freakin lunch!! Is that soo difficult!???

On the other hand, I'm glad he gets it kinda, because then when a situation arises where he cannot go to the day camp that is right up the road because his father was supposed to sign him up and for the last 3-4 weeks I have been asking him to do it and he has blown it off. So today when the kids woke up expecting to go to rec center playday, and I called and Pickles was fine and able to go, but because Cheese was not signed up, neither could go.

So now both their summer plans are totally blown because of this asshole that claims to be a father. I was holding out on signing him up because every other activity he has been in I have paid (which I guess I will just continue to do that from now on and not even bother with him, as this is the second activity he has not been able to do because his father was supposed to sign him up and did not) and he told me he would sign him up for this, so I figured that I would have to end up paying for it, but did not take into account that it could fill up, it never has before! I was silly to think anything would change!

Oh and to top it off, Cheese's cute little mohawk, that he waited all winter for and the last day of school for...and his brother and him were matching...well now it's just a brush cut, his dad picked him up, Pickles asked him, how do you like our hair styles, and he said "great!" Took Cheese home and told him, "I'm buzzing off your mohawk" no choice, just that! Apparently because I never "asked" him if I could give him one, it was NOT ok.. yeah that makes sense, I should start asking for permission to put him in a blue shirt on fridays...ayayayayya.. just shoot me now!

Cheese was so upset about it, but holds it all in, he says he's too shy to tell his dad and can't tell him things like that. I guess it makes sense when I say he doesn't have to go to his dad's house, he does the happy dance!

I just don't get how you can use your children as pawns?? It makes no sense to me, I could never NOT put them first..I just don't get it!

Well I guess, I should just count down the days till he is 18 and I don't have to deal with him!

Oh and maybe he'll get a clue someday to stop leaving his 7 year old son alone in the house while he drive 2 miles down the road to get cigarettes or who knows what, without a phone available to him...and start concentrating on how to be a real father.. yeah that is what was happening, and could I mention it to him?? NOOOO, because then he would take it out on Cheese for telling me anything...arggggg

So now I will try to figure out what the kids can do for the summer, they have camp for 1 week, and my parents house for 1 week..then 6 weeks left to plan...argggggggg

The picture at the top is true, divorce does not have to be war, but when you have one person who is insistent on using a little boy to get back and teach the mother lessons or whatever the frick he is doing..it makes it very difficult for it not to be a war. I would love for it to be nice and still a team, I thought anybody could do that if they tried, but if you only have one trying, what is the point??


At June 27, 2006, Blogger buzzgirl said...

Sister, you are preaching to the choir!

I (obviously) don't know what the solution is, but I know that Cheese does "get it" and appreciates you for the great parent you are.

At June 27, 2006, Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

buzzgirl, I knew you would appreciate this post! And could relate! ayayayay, there should be justice against them! grrrrr! ~kim

At June 27, 2006, Anonymous Doc said...

send them to me! we'll have a blast (and they'll learn french--could be useful one day maybe?)

At June 27, 2006, Anonymous Jessica said...

Wow, terrible situation. I feel for you. And the leaving Cheese alone thing, isn't that illegal?? Maybe you should give him/ let him borrow a cell phone so he can call the police! (or call you to do it for him). Alas, I'm sure that would fan the flames even more...

You're a good person for the way you handle it.

At June 27, 2006, Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

Doc, I would love to send them to you, but I would want to come too, so you could teach me french too:) so just let me know where to fly in;)

Jessica, leaving Cheese alone is certainly illegal, he doesn't think its a big deal, as he frequently leaves him alone for hours in the house while he is in the detached garage, so when he should be spending time with him, my little cheese is sitting in front of the tube and computer, it makes me crazy as I'm pretty strict with TV choices, but there he has access to anything at all times..grrr...don't get me started!

As far as the cell phone, I have thought about that, but unless I hang it around his neck, he would lose it, or his father would "conveniently" lose it and if I could even put it in his backpack, his dad always leaves the backpack in his car the whole weekend. It is a lose lose situation. If I confront him about it, he will take it out on Cheese, so I have to carefully tiptoe around it, as I do not want Cheese to get major slack, when I need to be told what is going on. Some things I just cannot ignore and have to mention to him, such as when he told Cheese "don't tell your mum when I don't have you wear a helmet on the 4 wheeler or snowmobile" with that, the way he drives and his carelessness, I had to say something. I went to the school counselor and talked to her and she talked to Cheese about the situation, and Cheese ultimately asked me to mention it to his dad for him, which I did, carefully and now he just insists on going with him now...it's soo frustrating, I cannot tell you!

At June 28, 2006, Blogger christina said...

Wow, that REALLY sucks! I'm so sorry you and your kids have to deal with that kind of irresponsible behaviour. You'd think that an adult would have more sense and want to do what's right for his children. Thankfully you and Thomas are there for them 100%.

At June 28, 2006, Blogger Expat Traveler said...

yeah I guess when 1 out of 2 only do their job, it makes life hard. I understand just because of past break ups... I was the one trying...

Really sucks! And I just hope Cheese can stand up better for himself in time and possibly get things going his way...

At June 30, 2006, Blogger traveller one said...

Hey Kim... I believe there is still a point even if only one parent is trying. Don't stop.

At July 21, 2006, Blogger AY said...

Your post is SO sad.

But, do you think kids can sense your disapproval of their father? I mean sure, you are clearly very rational about not using them as pawns, but from what I've seen in my cousins, their divorced parents were particularly civil yet, they still saw through the niceties. And, the insecurities stemming from divorce made them do things they'd otherwise not do, to seek reassurance from either parent...

Anyhow, it's difficult isn't it. But like traveller one said, don't stop. Good luck.

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