Thursday, October 19, 2006

Firefox prevented this site from opening the popup window that spell checks my post, so please beware!!

Many times in the past month I have tried to post, but what the hell....I would make a decent post, get all that has been going on, try to add the photos I wanted to share...and...NOTHING...my Mac would freeze up..or rather that damned beach ball would keep rolling:( So I just figured..ehh, just not meant to be!)

I don't dare try to post pictures on this post, maybe I'll try on the next post. But for now, I must vent! (oh and vent I will do, purge would be a better word actually)

....

So many great things have changed, wonderfully great!! I mean we have this fab house, that is sooo nice and cozy and wonderful! We had a great vacation, even though it rains alot in Maine..we still had a great time and learned great wonderful things about the frog..like he will play in the freezing cold water (and love it) so that I don't have to send my body into trauma (we're talking 58 degree water, here people, I almost cried the one time I accidentally went in;) we learned that when it rained and poured we didn't all have to walk on eggshells because of mother nature or be blamed for picking Maine..because the frog kept apologizing over and over to US that he was sorry it was raining on our trip (to which the boys and me, after regaining our shocked looks, said..ooooh it's okay, we're having fun anyway and we really really did) we learned that rainbows come after rain in Maine and Lobster and fish is yummy in our tummies for every meal expept breakfast!! All in all we had a wonderful time!

We came back to a very quick move, to which the frog took care of all of it mostly. It took basically one month to unpack for the most part. I would have loved to post every night that I had a new stat, but just did not have the energy, but essentially everyday I was making percentages..okay I've got the boys room 98% done, bathroom 95%, sitting room 30%, living room 20%, etc....you get the idea:) All the other rooms are now at the 100% level, well with the exception of the rug that I need to purchase for the living room (I just can't commit to a rug, too many choices!!) and a desk for the sitting room. OOOOOH and my room, well the mother is always last...it is only 30% done and standing still....oh what can I say..i need a magic fairy to wave her wand and finish my room!

I had to buy a new couch, futon, some rugs, kitchen table and chairs, so that was exciting...oh yeah and I also had to buy a new car...ayayayay...which then explains why I am having to work so much more..and am having a hard time saying no to that last customer, so therefore am pulling days where I work 8am to 9pm...I guess this is where the venting comes in...Okay so...

hmmm let me just start a new paragraph.....(It'll be longwinded and not make much sense, so don't read too closesly).I should be happy, no?? I'm my own boss, I answer to myself, I decide if I want to work or not...things are going well, I'm trying to balance, I'm able to do more for the kids, but yet I have no time for me...not that I ever needed alot of time...but I feel myself slipping..I feel that weight on my shoulders and my chest..(and yes that weight there too...I just weighed myself and since I don't know maybe the past 2 months or at least since the deep stress, that I am perhaps admitting to myself...put on 7 pounds...after maintaining the same weight for 2 years...It's just stress, well I'm bloated too and my period is coming..(can ya tell, ayayay) I have no time during the day to eat..I'm tired all the time...and have even resorted to drinking coffee (blechhhhh) when I 'm so tired and yet have to keep going. I'm driving alot, which is stressfull in itself, but the alternative is almost unbearable to think about...I work all day till 8pm on thursday, then work all day on friday, then drive 2 hours to get my beloved frog from the trainstation and then 2 hours back, we arrive home around midnight, wake up the next morning to work all day and then spend some time together, so we end up staying up late to snuggle and have alone time after spending family time with Pickles (Cheese is at his Dads house on that night) to wake up at 8am to get Cheese and then spend time all together doing, well trying to do fun things, to leaving at 7 to bring him 2 hours back (which he thankfully drives) and then myself drive 2 hours back arriving around 1am, to wake up in the morning and start the week off all over again. I just want, and is this too much to ask....someone to invent a portal from the frog's montreal kitchen to my kitchen..or i'll settle for that magic map where I could fold or make a crease and connect the two towns so they are really next to eachother...I'll make it even easier...how about a divorce finally from my ex...(it's uncontested and basically a NON diligent lawyer on whoevers side...I have not figured that one out yet...) or hey how about someone put in a good word for an engineering firm in upstate NY to hire a very awesome multi disciplined engineer who speaks french and perfect english....any one of those things will do for me, i'm not asking for alot, am I???

SIGHHHHH..

I can do this, I just am pms'ing..why oh why the bloody hell must we women be cursed with this ailment, and why aren't researchers spending alot of time on finding a cure for it..I really hate to feel out of control and bloated..blech! ( I'm not really serious about the researcher thingy, cancer research is way more important, but I sure do wish Dr's would prescribe muscle relaxers for pms these days..you know in the 80's they gave out those things like candy:)

Ooooh (I am such a whiner..) my back is killing me tooooooooooo...you know that burning and numbness...oooh yes and today of all days and weeks, my little Cheese had an incident at school..I was there today for his star of the week, so I had a 2 hour window to have lunch with him at school and read to the class and introduce the Flat stanley project to them that I begged the teacher to let me do (thanks Sal from Spain, twas you that inspired my flat stanley bug) anhow (i'm digressing, I know, I'm trying to stay on track, really I am) So the teacher tells me that Cheese was choking another boy in the bathroom...I was stunned, I have never had to deal with this behaviour, so I was dumbfounded, she said she had addressed it, and when he finally told her, he admitted to doing it and so they talked to the principal and she was telling me..oooh you don't have to address it, because this should be a good visit..to which I said, uuh no! I will address it, because he is going to his fathers tonight and I need to figure out why he did this...so we ate lunch and I said okay we need to go talk about what happened earlier, so we went back to the room while the other kids were still eating and I asked him what happened..and I guess what happened was Cheese was going poop and the other little boy thought it would be funny to peer over the top of the stall and spy on Cheese and laugh a little, so he said stop and the little boy I guess did, so when the little boy was washing his hands..Cheese doesn't remember if he did it with one arm or two, but put him in a headlock and preceded to choke the kid, so I asked if he was doing it to kinda kid around and he said no, so i asked what he was feeling when he was doing it, he didn't answer, so I asked him if he was angry?? and he said yes...my hear sunk...he was angry and instead of using his words or telling on the kid, he started choking him...I'm still stunned, and scared....his Father has major anger management issues, and major control issues, he in the military once put his hand on his pistol and unlocked the safety because someone was "undermining" his supposed authority...he had a g/friend that he threw lit cigarettes at her face and pulled her down to the ground by her hair...he has issues...period....and now I am afraid..my little kind loving to everything little boy, may have those same issues....he knew by the look in my face that I was more than disappointed...I had literally 5 minutes to handle this..I instructed him to tell his teacher the next time or an adult and to never ever handle things in such a way..i tried to make him put himself in the other kids place and for him to imagine himself thinking it would be a funny prank to spy on someone and then to imagine himself quietly washing his hands and for a classmate to come up behind him and do something to take away his breathing, to make him scared and to feel helpless...i had 5 minutes..i needed longer, my lectures and speeches last much longer...now he will go to his fathers till sunday at 8am when I pick him up and talk more about it..to which I will have the frog's help, who handles these things the same as me, with talk and reasoning, but somehow with this little Cheese and the big Pickle, makes much more of an impact.... "being a parent is hard..." says Cheese...yes it is...yes it is...

It is getting late, and ode to those who have made it through this pathetic post, life could always be much worse....I don't adjust well to change... and yet when I change....I change everything...this too shall pass....and I will find balance...I'll start yoga again, give up sweets again, go back to walking again, finish my room, and find my harmony, I'll try to blog normal non depressing things and wait patiently for the day that the frog can come here for good.

ooooh for a bit of goood news...my good friend sent me a house warming gift of a yogurt maker and I finally after a month or two dared to make it..and mmmm it is sooo wonderful, I just love it!! I also got a wonderful matching set of dishes from a wonderful client and some lavender things from another friend, so that was fun!

I'm also having a pampered chef party...to which if anyone wants to order anything they can online and have it directly sent to you... http://www.pamperedchef.biz/chefkristin?page=2ways-order-products
the ONLY reason I am having it, is to get in touch with my lawyer..who (don't ask, please its too painful to think about) moonlights (ughh) as a pampered chef rep...oooh yes...I know big mistake, but big lesson learned...never ever hire a lawyer who happens to be your pampered chef rep...hey in my defense..i just thought it meant she was a hardworker and liked to hold kitchen parties...turns out, she would much rather be doing this than the lawyer gig...as her response time to me was much quicker than I ever had her get back to me when it is in regards to the divorce thingy..you know..hey 3 years of being seperated...no divorce...getting to be a little frustrating...so I plan to get her in my house and not let her leave till she gets things moving quicker........i'm a wuss, who am I kidding..i worry about her stress level most of the time.......I suck, I need to strengthen my backbone..i know.....ayayyayaya..

okay finished, i'm really sorry for not making this an uplifting post, I'm always hurting for people when they are down, and really it's not all that bad...I have my boys, they are good boys..We all have a wonderful frog who will someday join us...heheheh, this was cute..the frog a couple weeks ago asked me how hard it was to train a dog...and i said not too bad...pretty easy, but why?? and he said (as my heart melted) when we are finally together, do you think its possible to get Ticky (the dumb carpet dog as he once stated) a baby dog to take care of....a pet for our pet..and he said well I just thought it would be nice to have another dog to keep ticky company...awww, he is reallly wonderful, life is a blessing with my 3 guys, even when they cause me stress and anxiety, I wouldn't have it any other way:)

5 Comments:

At October 20, 2006, Anonymous Alison said...

Whew! I read it all. I was wondering where you had been, but I figured you were busy with the new job. Now I see that you're REALLY busy.

Hang in there, okay? We're rooting for you.

 
At October 20, 2006, Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

You my dear alison, are a quick read:)
It's really the pms talking...life is pretty darn good really, sometimes it just feels good to bitch about it..which normally is not my style, so generally it gets nice and pent up.....:) but thank you, I'm rooting for you too:) everyday:)

 
At October 22, 2006, Blogger Pam said...

Even in the nasty throes of pms, it is great to have you back...I missed you! And now I see I have loads of photos to look at and a bit more to read from you so I'll go get a cuppa and enjoy your posts!
: )

 
At October 22, 2006, Blogger b said...

Wow...I have been gone a little over a week and you have posted like mad! :-) I love it!

It sounds like you are overloaded right now, Kim. You really do need to find time for yourself and I can only imagine how impossible that seems right now. It is good to vent, however. We are all so fortunate in so many ways, but life still gets us down, understandably. Aren't blogs wonderful?!

You are such a great person and your attitude and resilience will get you through this and so much more. I missed you while I was in Paris! Talk soon.

 
At October 27, 2006, Blogger Deb said...

Hey there! Great to see you guys back! Really like the beach and camping pics.

 

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