Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Gearing up for a fight...by kim


Want to know something about me??

I hate confrontation...avoid it like the plague...my entire marriage was coddling an asshole that was not afraid of confrontation..in a passive/aggressive way. I spent my days walking on eggshells and unfortunately teaching my boys to do the same thing...until I realized what i was doing of course...then I left!!

I was living in a dream world, when I thought...okay..i gave him everything..every tool he acquired during our marriage...the full sectional sofa that was over 1500...the brand new bed mattress..the TV stand...my old headboard, my parents 12 drawer dresser...the shop vac..air compressor...3 TVs...new digital camera...we divided the cars equally..i traded mine in for a more reliable car...he stopped making payments...."to screw my credit!"....he did not pay child support for the first year...making me jump through hoops and promising me to pay.....I have from my marriage...a dining room set that my parents gave us..the table and chairs I gave to goodwill because all the backs of the chairs had been broken....a 10 year old 32 inch TV...a computer that was already 3 years old..and now is long long gone....a kitchen aid mixer...and maybe some small miscellaneous things..oh yeah, a twin bed that was given to me by a client..that I slept on for 2 years...

Our divorce has been held up by lawyers.....just not doing their job...his lawyer or my lawyer not really sure..nonetheless...it's been almost 4 years!

Tonight, when I casually asked him if he had heard from his lawyer and to give him my update...he said his lawyer wanted for all 4 of us to get together and hash this out...he claims..that in the opting out agreement...that it states that we had equitable property distribution...and he claims we never did...now we did not have a house or anything else..just the "things" that to my knowledge..have been dispersed...more than equally...he says..."I want Cheese for a tax deduction"..and I said...you are going to go to court for that..and he said yes he would..if i would not agree...he would take me to court for it...

I informed him that I had talked to the IRS and they said that whoever the custodial parent is (which is me) gets the child for tax purposes...and he said, exactly...which is why i have the paper right here that you need to sign only once saying that i get him for a tax deduction...

okay..so please comment...please give me some advice...please be blunt and tell me the truth...if you've heard of anything similar or know the legal aspect of this....just advice..please

I'm having that fight and flight feeling...that shaky, teeth chattering...sick feeling....like i want to run, scream and barf at the same time....

6 Comments:

At May 02, 2007, Blogger Samantha said...

I'm sorry Kim, I don't have any advice or knowledge in this area, but I just wanted to say don't give up the fight. You've worked so hard to get to where you are today, don't let him start taking advantage of your good heart all over again. He's obviously gotten more than his fair share, he shouldn't get this too.

 
At May 02, 2007, Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

Thank you Sam! I just need reassurance...things I don't always get from my family (parents)...I just needed someone else to tell me that I am not crazy and asking too much!
I appreciate your comment, it is well received!

 
At May 02, 2007, Blogger Kim and Victoria said...

Take a deep breath, then GET A LAWYER if you haven't already. My ex took advantage of me when I left him because I was just so relieved to get out of that marriage. Now I regret letting him off so damn easy. If you have the kids, you should have the tax credit.

 
At May 02, 2007, Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

I do have a lawyer...it's just sometimes she is not returning my calls...but already has my full retainer...so what can i do...I don't play the agressive card well...I play..the please call me, it is the right thing to do card....sigh..I should learn to be a bitch!

I know that if I give in...he will continue to take more and more...he still claims he left with a shop vac and a mattress...funny how when he came into the marriage..I came with a huge uhaul with a complete household set up and he came with 4 car magazine boxes and some dorky clothes....but when he left...wow, he had to have a storage center...

It just scares me...cause sometimes in court, you just don't get the chance to speak about everything...but no matter what..the IRS says that the custodial parent is the one who gets the tax credit....

he just gives me that feeling of wanting to beat my head against a brick wall and i hate that...
thank you kim and victoria..i appreciate your comment:)

 
At May 02, 2007, Blogger hexe said...

Kim - The custodial parent is generally entitled to the deduction unless another agreement has been made. You do not need to be confrontation just firm. First, do NOT sign anything without speaking with your lawyer and having her review it. If your attorney has not called you back, call again and insist on a time when it would be appropriate to call. Keep a pad of paper by the phone and document every call you make to your attorney. When you speak with the attorney's office state the times you have called. Be nice but FIRM. If your attorney does not return your call then explain to the secretary that the attorney has not called back in over a week and ask for a definite date for a phone conference. If your attorney continues to ignore phone calls, she should be reported to the state bar. Attorneys have an obligation to keep their clients informed and faling to do so is a grievable offense where an attorney can be sanctioned. Good luck!

 
At May 03, 2007, Blogger b said...

Oh, Kim. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I too am not confrontational and understand completely how that makes you feel. I don't have any expertise in these matters but I agree with everyone else who has commented. You are a GREAT mother and you need to retain primary custody of Cheese.

How awful...that he is fighting for the tax deduction and not for Cheese! As difficult as it is for you to be aggressive...you must remain firm. This is a big deal. This is your son, not just furniture. Cheese should be under your primary custody and you deserve the tax deduction.

As sick as it makes you feel, don't lose sight of what is important...Cheese. I know you won't. Also remember that you don't deserve this. Your ex is a manipulative and selfish individual. Don't give him any room to take advantage. Call your lawyer repeatedly (you don't have to be threatening, just persistent) and stand your ground.

And always know that you have people who support and love you very much...people that will always be here to let you vent your frustrations and help you stay strong when it seems so difficult to keep it together. My thoughts are with you and I'm wishing you the best. I'm here for you!

 

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